


Crying

by deathmarkedlove_archivist



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-29
Updated: 2007-01-29
Packaged: 2018-12-06 03:10:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11591703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathmarkedlove_archivist/pseuds/deathmarkedlove_archivist
Summary: Another version of Season 7. Spike returns to Sunnydale but seems to be broken. R





	Crying

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Hils, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Death-Marked Love](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Death-Marked_Love). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [the Death-Marked Love collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/deathmarkedlove/profile).
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own nothing
> 
> Rating: R
> 
> Author's note: Season 7 haven't started here yet, so forgive me any mistakes about the characters' present situation. Also, the quotes on the beginning of every chapter are taken from songs and books which I could never remember the name. I don't own those either.
> 
> Distribution: Ask and you shall receive

"But it's true, so true

I love you even more than I did before

But darling, what can I do?

For you don't love me

And I'll always be crying over you, crying over you"

\------------------------------------------------------

 

"Ask me again why I could never love you."

"Ask me again why I could never love you."

"I could never love you..."

"Ask me..."

"Ask me..."

He moved. The creature, barely assembling a vampire moved and then let out a pitiful moan, his throat so dry it looked like he had swallowed some on the sand laying outside the cave he was protecting himself inside of. A swollen tongue peaked out of cracked lips and licked them as the creature moaned again. The pain on his body was nothing compared to the pain on his heart. On his soul. His new, beating, human heart and his new, throbbing human soul. He heard them, his victims crying in the dark of night, inside his head, driving him mad.

When he regained full conscience, he discovered that he was still laying on the sandy floor of the dark cave. Not that he could see anything, but he could feel the sand rubbing against the burns on his hand, chest and belly.

"Pitiful creature you are, vampire. But I have to say you surprised me. So much that Iím going to give you, not what you asked, but what you really want. Whatís in your heart. And a vampire you are no more. Go back to your slayer and get out of my cave, WILLIAM."

Opening the only functioning eye on his face, Spike moaned when a wave of agony shot through his body, competing heavily with the agony on his heart and mind. He closed the pretty blue eye and sighed when the darkness swept him away.

* * *

 

Buffyís equally pretty eyes were focused on the cup of hot chocolate on her hands. Everything had went well. Ignoring Willowís attempts to kill them, the world was once again safe.

But in reality, her thoughts were far, far away from Sunnydale. They were set on unknown locations, on an annoying vampire who albeit to her knowing wasnít one anymore. She couldnít understand why he had left. Couldnít understand the guilt, the pain that had turned itself into anger and had made him someone else.

The little marshmallows he loved so much floated around on her drink, sweetening it further. Slowly, Buffy took a sip of the scalding liquid, not frowning when it burned her tongue. It was 3 AM in the morning and she couldnít sleep. Dawn was safely tucked on her bed, all were all the other Scoobies and yet she couldnít sleep. Spike was in all her thoughts and even if she wouldnít admit it, she was a little worried about his absence, after all Clem said he would be back.

Every time Buffy patrolled and found herself near his crypt she would think about him and itís was driving her crazy. Cursing her thoughts, the slayer drained her drink and placed the mug in the sink, climbing the stairs to her room.

* * *

 

Darkness crept through the silent leaving room, broken by a soft swirl of light with an unmoving shadow inside. On the corner of the room, cornered between the sofa and a side table, the shadow curled protectively on itself, itís mind so battered by terrifying images that itís owner was no more than a little curb. Scared but offering no danger. A hiss escaped cracked lips and pale, dirty arms curled around bony knees that were trapped protectively against a burnt, solid chest. Blue eyes searched the darkness of the room quietly, recognizing it, but at the same time donít. Suddenly they closed as the mind behind them gave up itís fight against pain and exhaustion. And on the quiet room, soft, slightly raced beatings of a heart filled the silence.

* * *

 

Buffy tossed and turned on her bed, unable to sleep, thousands of thoughts twisting around on her head, making her too wired to even close her eyes. On the too quiet house, all she could hear was her own voice, asking him to ask her again why she could never love him. In all her life, Buffy had never been intentionally cruel to someone, and still, to Spike she was even more than that.

Some of the things that escaped her lips left her flush in shame for hours after and with a heavy heart for days. Until she saw him and did it all again. Moaning in defeat, the blond slayer got up, rearranging her bundled oversized T-shirt over her exposed legs and walking towards the stairs, intending on getting herself another cup of hot chocolate and curling on the couch to watch TV until she was sleepy enough for it to drown the accusations in her head.

On his corner, Spike opened his eyes as soon as his sensitive ears heard the thump-thump of steps coming down the stairs. His heart, which had returned to itís normal speed as he slumbered away, started racing painfully on his rib-cage on the way only a heart whose owner was on the border of sheer terror could do. His breath started faltering and it raced to match the speed of the pumping of blood to his veins.

When the shadow stepped on the last step of the stairs and turned towards the kitchen, Spike launched, yelling when his broken body protested on the most painful way. He grabbed the shadow blindly, groaning like a wild animal, roaring in fear but too weak to cause any damage.

Buffy quickly dispelled the surprise and rolled on her back on the floor, where they both had landed, bringing her elbow in direct contact with her attackerís stomach and when he moaned in pain she rolled on top of him, bringing her hands to his head and slamming the back of it on the hard hardwood floor before taking a good look at his face.

Spikeís eyes lost their wild look to become confused, pain filled and gut wrenching panicked. He stared through blurry eyes at the woman on top of him, slightly confused from the blow on the head.

"Spike?"

Buffy stared at the battered face of the vampire with eyes the size of china plates, incredulity shinning behind the green depths. He looked like hell. His right eye was swollen shut, his face and whole body were dirty, smudged with black and his eyes swam with confusion, blurry from the bang to the head.

He kept staring at her and the way she stared at him at some point brought a sudden flash, of that same pretty girl, looking at him with tears in her eyes, clutching a ripped T-shirt and she looked...disgusted...and pained...He remembered bruises and his new soul flashed pain and guilt until his breath hitched on his throat, making him scramble hastily from under her towards his corner again, curling on himself.

"Ask me again why I could never love you."

"Youíre beneath me."

"Youíre a monster."

Buffy stared in confusion as Spike stumbled back from her and curled himself on a corner of the room, swaying back and forth and mumbling to himself, his eyes wide and unseeing. Her heart hammered on her chest and her eyes spoke nothing of deep worry.

She thought about going to him but decided not to, walking to the kitchen instead and grabbing the phone from itís cradle and quickly dialing Giles numbers with butter fingers, her hands shaking.

On the other end, Giles mumbled sleepy in reply and listened while Buffy explained the situation, promising he would be there with Xander and Anya as soon as possible.

The soft click of the phone being replaced to itís cradle echoed on the silent kitchen as the slayer heaved a sigh, running her hand through her face and looking over her shoulder to the dark living room. She felt unreal. The whole situation was like a nightmare. Why Spike had those wounds on his body and how had he gotten them?

Buffy gathered herself as best as she could and turned around, entering the living room once again, her eyes immediately coming to rest of the huddled form between her couch and side table.

"Spike?"

He raised his head to the sound of her voice and hissed at her, cornering himself closer to the wall, a frown scrunching the skin between his eyes. Buffy took small steps closer until she was only a couple of feet from him. To her surprise, Spike lost the hissing and started whimpering, shrinking back further from her, mumbling under his breath.

"Spike? Are you...are you okay?"

Buffyís throat was getting impossibly tight every passing second she stared at him. The haunted look was something she was sure William the Bloody never had on his eyes before then. Attempting another step, she jumped in surprise and alarm when the whimpers became a soft wailing and as she pushed in further and came to a full halt in front of him, his wails turned to terror-filled screams.

* * *

 

Crying

Part 2

\----------------------------------------------------------

"She leads me to moonlight, only to burn me with the sun

Sheís taken my heart, but she doesnít know what sheís done

I feel her breath in my face,

Her body close to me

Canít look in her eyes

Sheís out of my reach

Just a fool to believe I have anything she needs

Sheís like the wind"

\----------------------------------------------------------

Dawn had been dreaming. Actually, she had been having a pretty good dream, considering the collection of nightmares she had been having lately. When suddenly, a scream pierced the soft clouds of her dream and pulled her harshly towards consciousness.

The younger Summers sat up on her bed and looked around in confusion, jumping when it started again, quickly starting to sound hoarse. She untangled herself from all the sheets and quilts and ran out of the room and to her sisterís and when she found no one there, down the stairs, heart racing.

"Buffy, what..."

The slayer was knelt in front of Spike, trying to understand why he was screaming like she was going to kill him. She turned eyes that were filled with tears to look at a puzzled Dawn and then turned them to Spike again, titling her head to the side to study him.

He was almost blue in the face from screaming so badly and his voice was getting hoarse, almost disappearing now. Hugging his knees, Spike curled more against himself and screamed, trying to make this girl leave him alone. His throat ached and little by little his screams died until they stopped altogether, turning to pitiful whimpers of terror and pain.

"Spike? B-Buffy, whatís going on?"

Buffy didnít turned her head around to look at her sister, simply shrugging her shoulders on a mute puzzled answer. Dawn opened her mouth to say something when the doorbell rang, followed by several bangs and a very disturbed Xander screaming something from the outside. The youngest Summers ran to the door and opened, almost falling on her ass when Xander very rudely pushed her aside.

"Whereís he? Whatís going on?"

Giles raised his hand and pushed his glasses further up his nose with his index finger, sending Xander an exasperated look from over the rim. He clasped his other hand on the younger oneís shoulder and gave a warning squeeze.

"Giles, IÖ donít understand, Spike, he isÖ"

"I know Dawnie, I knowÖ Letís go see what we can do about it, shall we?"

The two of them plus Xander and Anya who was there as well though Dawn didnít see her at first walked inside the living room. Buffy turned her head around to stare at them and offered a small shaky smile through her teary eyes and he was still *there*, shaking and trembling and being positively terrified and she had no idea what she could do to help.

Because she wanted him *back*, grinning, fighting, or just plainly pissing her off. But she wanted him back. He was her safe stone and she couldnít lean on him if he was even more broken then her.

His eyes were all Giles could see. Blue and big and terrified, swimming with tears and looking in the world like a lost little boyís. He carefully stepped closer and Spike shrunk closer into himself.

"HeísÖ thatís not possible! Youíre human!"

All four heads in the room turned to look at a shocked looking Anya, who was studying the broken man, undressing his soul with her eyes and finding his every secret.

Buffy stared at the ex-vampire once again and for the first time saw something that Spike never had, never did and she had missed on the shock of having him back on such a strange state. A pulse point, beating wildly on his right temple, winking at her and just *being* there, as a confirmation of Anyaís more than disturbing affirmation.

She approached him again, this time too concerned about the trembling on her hands, aching to touch him, too worried about the wild look on his eyes, about the way that pulse point sped up almost to the point she was sure he was having a cardiac arrest.

He stared at the blond girl coming to him slowly and could do nothing but whimper because this was the girl he *knew* he had hurt badly and at the same time his soul lightened up at the sight of her, but he was *scared* because people were screaming inside his head and they wouldnít shut up and it was driving him *insane*.

But then she knelt in front of him and he was scared, trembling even, and she touched him. Soft and sweet smelling, and with benediction and his whimpers now were because it felt *good*.

He was still whimpering and shaking like a leaf but he wasnít holding himself tight like a string anymore. Buffy touched the tip of her fingers to his cheek, touching the skin, now warm with pulsing blood. The corner of her mouth lifted up slightly when he whimpered again but rubbed his cheek almost imperceptibly against her hand. She flattened her palm against his skin, her thumb brushing against his cracked lower lip, slipping down to caress his chin.

"What happened to you?"

She whispered while looking into his eyes. Spike ignored her, focused on the sweet feelings of her touch, rubbing his aching skin against her palm, closing his eyes now and purring almost imperceptibly too, his breath coming in and out more slowly now, his heart beating normally again.

"Youíll be okay, Spike. Iíll take care of youÖ"

On a moment of impetuosity, she leant in and placed a soft kiss on his injured mouth, nibbling his lower lip softly, closing her eyes against the tears filling them rapidly. Spike purred again, his eyes wide and frightened, but the moment he saw it what she was doing wasnít going to hurt him, au the contraire, he relaxed.

Buffy pecked his lips lovingly once again and pulled back, smiling softly at him before turning to look at the silent group of four staring at her, some of them pleased by her action and one of them not quite happy by the course things were taking.

"Giles, think you and Xander can research about this? I wanna know why and how he ended up like that. Go talk to Clem, ask him if he knows anything, explain the situation, heíll help you out as best as he can. Dawnie, I want you to do me a favor. Go to my bathroom and fill the tub in for me. He needs a bath badly, heís caked with sand and sweat and now that heís a human these injuries are more likely to become infected. Then would you please go to my room and get that pair of sweatpants that I have to fold at the waist to wear. Itíll fit him well. And grab that t-shirt. That Garfield one, the one heís hugging the bear?"

"S-sure. Buffy, is he going to be okay?"

Buffy offered her sister a sincere smile and turned to look at Spike once again.

"Weíre going to do our best Dawnie."

* * *

 

Giles and Xander had left, though the younger one was far from happy with the whole situation and was mumbling under his breath the whole time about rapists vampires who came back from the dead. Dawnie was upstairs running Spike a bath and Buffy was still downstairs, trying to convince the scared man to leave his corner.

"Címon Spike, come with me, please? I need to take a look at these injuries."

He didnít even blink.

Frustrated beyond imagination, Buffy ran a shaking hand through her hair, trying not to burst into tears at the fear gripping her heart like a vice.

She studied him and as it had before, she couldnít stop the sudden need to touch him and she did, pressing her hand against his thumping heart, her own soaring at the functioning and living organ under her hand. Those awfully cute purrs kept coming out of his mouth, rumbling out of his chest and dancing all the way down her ears to her chest, warming and expanding her heart, making it swell with affection for the man that looked like a big, scared little curb that although terrified still purred under her hands.

She grabbed one of his hands and was surprised when he gasped and pulled it back, cradling it against his chest. Buffy titled her head to the side and reached for his hand again, which only made him pull it against his chest tighter.

Making sure to be very careful, she circled her fingers around his wrist gently and tugged, bringing his hand close to her face. She frowned upon the sight of the burn, peeling palm, the wound looking awfully painful.

"Jesus!"

A fingertip touched the rough skin of the fleshy side of his hand slightly, her teeth worrying her lower lip. She looked up from his hand to see him staring at her, a blank expression on his face.

"Buffy, his bath is ready."

Dawn was standing at the end of the stairs, afraid to approach the ex-vampire and initiate another screaming fit.

"Ok, Dawnie, thanks. You can go to bed now, itís a school night and youíll have to wake up early tomorrow."

Maybe she sensed her sisterís need to spend some time alone with the vampire, maybe she was tired, Buffy didnít know. All that she knew was that instead of arguing with her like she usually did, Dawn simply nodded and ran up the stairs again.

Alone again with Spike, Buffy grabbed both his wrists and pulled him gently to his feet, supporting him when his knees buckled and helping his trembling form up the stairs.

Albeit still frightened, Spike felt comforted being with the blond girl by his side, the smell of her vanilla-scented body fluttering to his nostrils. She led him to a dark room on a long corridor and then to another door where she sat him on the toilet.

Buffy had made him sit down and was trying to figure a way to free him from the pants when he gasped loudly, his eyes focused on a spot on her floor. And suddenly she realized exactly what he was remembering. Gulping, she placed a hand on his knee and knelt down in front of him, titling her head to look in his eyes.

He raised them. Glistening with tears and pain and hazy with remorse and she felt like the lowest form of life in the world.

"Ask me again why I could never love you."

She snapped her head and looked at him at the rough, almost non-existent sound of his voice, but he was still staring at the floor, the tears now running down his cheeks, dropping steadily on the white-titled floor.

"Spike, I..."

Buffy opened and closed her mouth while thinking about something to say to him. Something to make the lost, dead look in his eyes go away. Something to bring the spark of life back in him. But instead, she opted for pulling him again to his feet and undressing him. She wetted a washcloth and rubbed against his chest and cheeks, cleaning most of the dirt from his skin, taking the worst off. Throwing the cloth in the sink and grabbing his wrists again, she led his beaten, dirty, very naked body to the tub and watched as he sat, his marble-like skin glistening in the light.

She couldnít help but smile as he cupped his hands together and collected some water just to let it flow from his fingers back down, watching it with child like fascination.

Getting up, she knelt down in front of the cabinet under the sink and searched for an old cup her mother used to bathe her and Dawn. After finding it behind some rolls of toilet paper, she returned to his side, dropping the cup into the water.

Spike, who was by now splashing around jumped when Buffy poured a cup of water over his curls to wet them. She grinned at him and did it again, and this time he didnít jump, but stared at her like he had never seen her before and raising his hand, laid it with a wet Ďtapí on her cheek, returning it soon after to join the other, still cupping water.

Buffy smiled a little before pouring 2 other cups on top of his messy hair and grabbing her shampoo bottle. She squirted a dollop on her hand and rubbed it against his hair, using her fingertips to scrape against his scalp slightly, getting rid of any hidden dirt laying around. The soft tendrils waved between her fingers and she kept scrubbing until she was sure his hair was clean.

"Close your eyes."

Spike kept playing with some of the bubbles that had dribbled down his hair to the water and plainly ignored her. Buffy simply sighed and grabbing the cup, filled it with water and grabbed his chin, titling his head back and washing his hair.

She had again to take matters into her own hands when he didnít pay any attention to her request for him to get up and forced him to his feet, grabbing a bar of soap and aware of the heat licking her cheeks started soaping him.

He stopped playing with his own hands to stare at her as she reached his stomach. Slick fingers trailed slowly through the muscles on his abs as she circled his belly button. A muffled groan escaped Spikeís mouth as Buffyís hands started a slowly, deliciously, heart racing cleanse of his cock.

Trying to make her touch as non sexually as possible, Buffy finished on his now very erect member and soaped his legs and carefully his hands, pouring water over him to rinse and after pulling the plug from the drain, grabbing the biggest towel they had on the house and throwing it around his shoulders, helping him step over the edge of the tub to stand on the fluffy carpet.

Spike looked at the blond drying him carefully with a puzzled expression. His soul told him she despised him, but yet there she was, caring for him like a mother would a child. She scrubbed his hair dry and it stood up comically, strands all over the place, a misguided lock falling over his eye.

Buffy couldnít help but stare, amazed at the boyish quality of his good looks, the innocent appearance make him look almost... angelic. Shaking her head to dispel such crazy thoughts, she tied the towel around his shoulders and like a child, pulled him by the hand towards her room.

* * *

 

Crying

Part 3

\----------------------------------------------------------

"The morning will come

And everyday will be bright as the sun

So all of your fears, all of your fears

Cast them on me

All I ever wanted was you to see

Iíll be your cloud up in the sky,

Iíll be your shoulder when you cry"

\----------------------------------------------------------

 

He followed silently behind her, the burnt hand clutched tightly to his chest and as they arrived at the side of the bed, Buffy pushed him gently to sit on her bed, grabbing the medical kit Dawn had left on top of her side table and surveying the items inside for whatever she would need to take care of his wounds.

The hot bath soothed a lot of his body aches, but still he hurt, a lot less, but hurt all the same. Buffy surveyed the damage on his milky skin, taking worried notice of the enormous bruise on his side, which could mean broken ribs and the various burns on his chest and hand, which seem to be the worst injuries on his body.

Grabbing a tube of cream for his burns, she squirted some on her fingers and smiled at him before pushing the towel aside and rubbing the cream gently on the ugly injuries, wincing in sympathy when he winced in pain.

The hand, she bandaged after applying a thick layer of cream, sighing after realizing he was going to be just fine. His eye was the only thing she couldnít do much about, as well as the bruise on his side that thankfully held no broken or cracked ribs.

The decision to leave him naked had nothing to do with the fact that his skin looked translucent in the moonlight. At all. Really. Smiling at him, Buffy pushed his shoulders until he was lying down on her bed, glorious on his naked status and as self conscious about it as a 3 year old. She pulled the quilt over him, tugging it around his waist and laid down next to him, resting her head on her hand and her elbow on the bed, looking at him from above.

He held her gaze with an expression of longing and she couldnít help when her hand raised and placed itself on his wet curls, smoothing between them deliciously, slowly playing with his hair.

Spike started purring, his eyes closing as exhaustion took over his body and he slumbered away, drifting between dream worlds. Buffy kept the motions of her fingers on his hair, watching as the curls curled themselves on her finger and the soft scalp caressed her fingertips.

A curl fell on his eye and she brushed it back softly, not wanting to wake him up. And transfixed, Buffy watched as his chest rose and fell with each breath. A palm was placed on his chest as the calming pumping of his heart drummed under her hand. She lowered her head to the pillow beside him and watched his sleeping form, the guilt of knowing she could be the reason for his present state almost to great to bear.

"Iím so sorry...So sorry..."

The soft whisper fell short on the asleep man beside her, but still she whispered again, running a hand from his cheek, down his arm to interlace their fingers together, bringing the hand to her mouth and kissing his bruised knuckles gently, tucking them between their bodies and taking a last look at him before closing her eyes and letting the darkness sweep her away as well.

* * *

Hands reached for him, grabbed his body in agony, ripping shreds of flesh, screaming words of accusation, holding him responsible for their deaths.

He fought, tried to escape, but their hands were like vice, curling around his members and pulling him down, immobilizing him. He screamed in pain, from his head and soul and tried to get away, tossing and turning. And then suddenly there was a whisper. Just a touch of something heavenly and pure on his mind. Soothing words he couldnít understand but that made the hands go away and his body be pulled upwards, to the light, to benediction.

Buffy had being so deep in REM sleep that when the screaming started, she took a second to realized where it was coming from and open her eyes, turning immediately to Spike and finding him fighting the demons inside his head.

She had tried screaming at him to wake up, but when that didnít work, she just laid her head as close as possible to him, her hand on his stomach, rubbing it soothingly and whispered on his ear.

"Wake up Spike, itís just a bad dream...please wake up...címon..."

He twisted and turned a little then finally quieted and opened his eyes, blurry and confused. Her position gave her the privilege of staring in those swirling pools of blue and watching as they lost that glazed look and became sharp and clear and to her amazement, blurry again, this time because they were swimming on a veil of tears.

She raised a hand and smoothed her thumb against the skin of his cheek, catching the first falling tear. And he was weeping, hard and sobbing and child-like and it was *horrible*. She scooted closer to him on the bed and circled him with her arms, feeling the first grip on her throat as impending, *scalding* tears made their way up to her eyes. He buried his head on her throat and sobbed like a boy while she caressed his jumping back soothingly, the other hand gripping the hairs on the base of his skull.

The squeak of the door opening made her eyes open to stare at Dawn, awakened and watching them with wide eyes. Buffy knew Spikeís screams must have woken her up.

"Itís okay Dawnie, go back to bed. He just had a bad dream."

The younger one nodded and approached the bed slowly, bending herself down to place a gentle, loving kiss on Spikeís sweet smelling hair and ruffled his curls briefly. Buffy smiled at her and Dawn smiled back, blowing her sister a kiss and leaving the room.

Spikeís sobs by then had been reduced to soft whimpers and hiccups, his breath pausing as it went in on broken sighs and his hands now gripping her t-shirt like they were forever attached to it, making it bundle up on her legs and leaving her butt exposed under the sheets.

"Shh, baby... itís okay...Iím here with you...Iím here...Shh."

The endearment left her mouth almost unconsciously as well as the hand starting to stroke slowly down his back to the nice dip above his backside and up again till his neck.

Spikeís hands lost their death grip on her and his nose nuzzled her neck delightfully, sending shivers up her spine. She dropped a kiss on the pumping pulse on his temple, her mouth still dropping soft, caring words on his ears, reassuring him of his safety from all the bogeymen in the world in her arms. Spike kept his face safely tucked on the curve of her neck, his breathing returning to its normal rhythm and slowly becoming more paused as he slipped smoothly back into his dream world. On the safety of her arms. For a change.

* * *

 

Eyes as blue as the sky opened on the dark of the night, confused and hazy from sleep but holding a kind of peace their owner thought he would never feel again.

Moving smoothly as a cat, Spike got up from the bed, his nude form glistening in the moon light. He left Buffyís room to pad barefoot down the stairs, his confused mind not blurring the familiarity to the house. The kitchen was dark and cold from the night, chilly air and he shivered.

Light filled the room as the door of the refrigerator was opened as he looked for something to calm the aching rumbling on his stomach.

Coming down the stairs slowly, Dawn rubbed her sleepy eyes, cursing herself for forgetting the glass of water she placed on her bedside table every night. Blindly, she reached for the light switch and promptly started screaming.

Spike had been drinking from a cartoon of milk, holding an apple on his other hand and both fell on the floor as he turned around sharply and scrambled away from the door where Dawn was standing with her hands covering her eyes, his heart racing so badly that he lacked the strength and breath to let out screams of his own.

His bare feet slipped on the spilled milk on his hasty escape and he went down, his back hitting the floor painfully, making his heart race even more to the point where the thumping on his ears was all he could hear. A strangled sound left his throat, soft and almost inaudible, swallowed by moans of pain.

Buffy came running down the stairs and arrived at the scene to see Dawn blushing furiously and covering her eyes, Spike cornered and her kitchen a mess.

"What happened? What HAPPENED?"

Dawn pressed her hands further on her eyes and offered her sister a snore.

"Naked, naked Spike with...naked *stuff* hanging around...naked...and hanging and have I mentioned NAKED?"

The situation was so completely exasperating that Buffy started snorting, then giggling and then laughing so hard her eyes watered. Dawn stared at her through a crack of her fingers and sent her a dirty look.

"Iím glad to see you find it amusing that your sister has just been scarred for life."

Buffy snorted again and then placed a hand on her mouth, sniffling her giggles and wiping the tears from her eyes. Spike was still curled on the corner, looking at them like they had big, ugly head filled with teeth ready to attack him.

"Sorry, Dawnie. Keep your eyes closed and Iím taking him back upstairs."

"I think you better. And please, keep him from wondering around the house naked with hanging *stuff* that are naked. And I donít *even* want to know why heís naked in the first place."

Buffy snorted again and walked slowly towards her precious naked Spike, jumping over the pool of milk and kneeling down next to him, running a hand through his curls.

"Itís okay, Spike...She was just surprised to see you here...naked on top of that..."

He titled his head to the side and she ran a finger down the curve of his neck, smoothing the palm on his chest. As she had done to him before, Buffy curled her hands around his wrist as gently tugged him up as she went up as well.

Spike was slightly bent towards her, his eyes closed as her hand rubbed his chest.

"Oh, oh."

Buffy looked down and then over her sister to see if she still had her hands over her eyes. If Dawn thought she was scarred about seeing Spikeís *stuff* hanging around, imagine how she wouldnít describe her situation upon taking a glimpse of him standing at full attention. Buffy grinned at him lovingly and after dropping a peck on his lips, grabbed the fruit bowl from the table, turned it upside down and then placed it on his crotch, leading both of his hands to it and pressing them down on the bowl to hold it in place.

"Hold this, ok?"

He looked at her with heavy eyes but his hands remained in place when she removed hers, his eyes following her like those of a hunter. Buffy walked towards the puddle and grabbed the cartoon of milk and the apple from the floor, throwing one on the trash, the other on the table with two oranges that had fallen when she turned the fruit bowl.

She made a quick job with the puddle using paper towels and then filled a glass of water for Dawn, who was still blushing and accepted it with a hand still covering her eyes. After she had climbed up the stairs almost running, Buffy turned her attention towards Spike, who still had his eyes on her.

"Címon... címon."

She offered a hand and he slowly took, letting go of the bowl who fell to the floor with a thud. Buffyís eyes widened as she focused her look on the middle of his legs and grabbing his hand, she decided to leave the bowl on the floor and climbed the stairs to her room, a very naked Spike trailing after her.

* * *

Authorís note to the readers: The next chapter will contain some adult material. If under 18 or if this kind of stuff disturbs you, please jump that chapter. Iíll have a small summary of the most important contents on the next one. Thanks a lot. J

 

Crying

Part 4

\----------------------------------------------------------

"Tell me now if Iím wrong, are you feeling the same?

Are your feet on the ground, are you calling my name?

Do you lie awake nights, please say that you do.

ĎCause you canít choose who you love, love chooses you."

\----------------------------------------------------------

 

She pulled him inside her room and closed the door tightly after them.

"What was on your mind to wander around the house naked, Spike? You could have given my sister a heart attack!"

Buffy mock-scolded him while pulling him by the hand towards the bed. The look she sent her was so cute that Buffy couldnít resist the urge to place a kiss on his lips. To someone whose mind wasnít working properly, Spike knew exactly what to do. He placed both hands on her shoulders and pushed her down, moving his mouth hungrily on hers. He groped and pulled and seemed lost on his haze to abate that ache on his groin and Buffy was feeling suffocated from the force of his kisses.

"Wait, wait...Spike, SPIKE!"

He paused to look at her and she took pity at the hungry yet desperate look. Raising her hand, she ran it through his face and smiled at him reassuringly before sitting up and taking her nightshirt off together with her panties.

She laid herself down and almost laughed at the way Spikeís eyes lingered on her breasts. Confused or not, men would always be men.

"Like this, baby."

She placed his hand on her breast and let it go, grabbing him by the back of his neck to attach her mouth to his again, stifling her moans as instinct took over.

Buffyís tongue slipped deliciously inside his mouth and he startled, breaking the kiss and raising his head to look at her, the hand on her breast raising to cover his lips. She smiled at him and pulled him back towards her gently, until they were side by side facing each other.

His hand gravitated to her breast on itís own, squeezing the white globe gently before running the tip of his fingers through her nipple. Buffyís eyes rolled inside her head as her tongue moved faster in and out of his mouth and a loud moan escaped her throat.

ĎHeís a fast learner.í

She thought when he pinched her nipples slowly. His hips moved on their own accord, rubbing his erection against her belly, soft moans escaping his mouth. Buffy let a hand slip between them and caressed his bellybutton briefly before taking hold of him, hard and soft and deliciously as he moaned loudly inside her mouth, almost desperate now. His expression was one of tortured pleasure and Buffy, taking pity on him, let go of his cock and pecked him slightly on the mouth, before attaching her mouth to his neck.

"Grunnnnn..."

Buffy took hold of the back of his neck and pulled his head down until it was leveled with her left breast. He instinctively latched onto the nipple and started sucking, making Buffy moan this time.

"Like this, Spike...Yeah, exactly like this..."

She was running her hands through the hair on the nape and he kept moaning as his erection kept itís anxious rubbing against her body. Things were quickly getting out of hand and Buffy knew there was no way they would last enough if keeping the necking up, so grabbing his shoulders, she pulled him on top of her, kissing him fully on the mouth, looking into his eyes as she grabbed him by the base and guided it to her opening.

His eyes, though hungry held confusion, like he had no idea what she was doing. Buffy smiled languidly at him before placing both hands on his ass and pressing him forward, where he slid deliciously inside.

She watched as his eyes widened and he opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water. He was still as a corpse on top of her, but when she started rubbing his butt up and down and kissing his shoulder he moved out then in, the same expression of surprise etched on his face.

That moment was when Buffy realized he had been born again. His soul might remind him of the sins of his past life continuously, but in a lot of aspects, he held an innocence that captivated her.

Spike moved again and she moaned on his ear, the sweet innocence and the fact that she was teaching him to love her, highly erotic.

Heaven. Pure and white and blinding. He had an ache, a delicious tingle on the lower parts of him that urged to be quieted. Spike moved slowly in and out of her, the pleasure almost painful and the soft moans on his ear making his skin break in gooseflesh.

"Ahhhh."

His breath was hot on her ear as he moaned, the sound almost desperate. Buffy latched onto the side of his neck at the same time her legs raised to wrap themselves around his waist. She sobbed when she felt him slide even further inside her and ran her hands back to his butt, caressing them like she had before and at the same time grabbing the cheeks, pushing and pulling. Spike gasped as she forced him to speed up the pumping and white stars started shooting behind his eyelids.

"Faster, faster..."

The fact that he became almost frantic had nothing to do with her request, but because of the *urge* he didnít quite know what itís all about coming to hit him at full speed. Buffy slipped a hand between their bodies to caress her clit, fast and hard, making her climax *slam* against her sharp and never ending and she had to bit his shoulder to keep from screaming.

"Gnnnnn..."

He made the cutest sounds when he started climaxing, raising his head to look at Buffy with a grimace of pleasure. She felt him gushing into her and then hugged him with her body when he collapsed on top of her, panting.

"Hmmm, Spike..."

His nose found the sweet, humid spot under her ear and nuzzled it lovingly, his tongue running up and down on her throat. Spike wasnít a vampire anymore, but Buffy knew he wasnít completely human. He still had the ability to heal faster then humans, like her, she supposed he still had his strength from when he had slammed into her before.

At the same time, he had body heat and a pumping heart but also almost animal like attitudes, like purring and growling. And child actions, like having no modesty and playing with bubbles. Actually, at the present moment Spike was a puzzle.

But he was *her* puzzle.

And that was all that mattered to her right then.

* * *

 

 

Crying

Part 5

\----------------------------------------------------------

"As yet you are nothing, No one has tamed you and you

have tamed no one. Youíre just like my fox when I first

knew him. He was only a fox like hundred thousands of

other foxes. But I have made him my friend and now heís

unique in all the world."

\----------------------------------------------------------

 

On the previous chapter of Crying...

His nose found the sweet, humid spot under her ear and nuzzled it lovingly, his tongue running up and down on her throat. Spike wasnít a vampire anymore, but Buffy knew he wasnít completely human. He still had the ability to heal faster then humans, judging by the way the bruise on his side was already fading and she supposed he still had his strength from when he had slammed into her before.

At the same time, he had body heat and a pumping heart but also almost animal like attitudes, like purring and growling. And child actions, like having no modesty and playing with bubbles. Actually, at the present moment Spike was a puzzle.

But he was *her* puzzle.

And that was all that mattered to her right then.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Buffy was quickly running out of air. Spikeís weight was pressing her lungs, making it hard to breathe and at the same time, she never wanted to let him go. He was still nuzzling her ear though he stopped licking her neck and one hand ran lazily up and down the side of her waist.

"Spike? Honey? I canít breathe..."

As gently as she could, she pushed him to the side and rolled over with him, pressing her body fully down on his, her head laying on his shoulder, lips brushing his neck. He circled her with heavy limbs, the cutest purr she had ever heard rumbling from his chest.

"Mine."

The whisper was soft but full of significance as Buffy slowly lost consciousness. Nimble fingers traced the curves and sharp points of her spine, lulling her deeper into slumber, making her dreams fluffy and good and safe.

Her mate stared down at her and smiled softly before closing his own eyes and slumbering away himself, fingers still tracing the curves of her back.

* * *

 

This time, he wasnít naked, Dawn pondered. But still Buffy needed to learn that although Spike was a fine specimen of male flesh, she couldnít possibly NOT realize he was wearing one of Buffyís sports shorts. Tight and...tight and lumpy...

It took one look at her sisterís frown for Buffy to dress Spike in the oversized sweats and the t-shirt she had planed the night before and drag him by the hand to the nearest mall.

Since Buffy had quit Double Meat Palace and found a new job working as a self-defense teacher on a local gym, she had been making more money and a lot of her self-respect had been preserved. So, she had no problem dragging her boyfriend to the nearest male clothing store she could find, where a salesgirl with a sugary smile hurried to attend to them.

Spike kept growling at everyone who tried to touch her, so she avoided physical contact with the girl and just told her they were looking. Aware that the saleswoman was watching her every move, Buffy chose a couple of black shirts, a light blue one and a brownish-green turtleneck, hanging everything on the arm that was not attached to the hand holding Spike by the wrist like a child.

And like one he looked. The Garfield shirt and sweatpants, coupled with the moist, blondish-honeyed curls framing his forehead and the sparkling blue eyes made him look like a boy on dadís clothes.

She chose two pairs of pants and dragged him to the dressing him, where it took almost an hour for them to try everything on, Buffy dressing and undressing him while he played with his reflection on the mirror.

The saleswoman sent her a dirty look when they came out, Spike dressed in black jeans and a blue shirt matching his eyes and the shoes she had burrowed from Xander. Buffy grabbed a black, leather coat and put on him, paid for everything and left the store.

Next stop was shoes. Snickers and a pair of black boots that quickly replaced Xanderís shoes. Spikeís grip on her hand tightened every time someone passed a little too close to her, growling at them.

"Spike, stop that! Are you a dog or something?"

The black eye was already fading and all the other injuries were gone, which supported Buffyís assumption that although human, he had kept a lot of vampireís benefits.

"Do you want Ice cream?"

As always, he stared at her adoringly but never said a word. Sighing, she grinned at him and pulled him to a nearby Ice cream shop. They sat in silence, Buffy licking her cone while he looked. She didnít want to mess him all up. Placing the cone near his lips, she waited till he licked and held his wrist when he made a move to grab the scoop from the top.

"No, lick. Donít grab, lick."

She tapped the cold ice cream against his mouth and watched as his eyes widened and he licked his lips them the cone, the expression of a kid let loose on a candy store. They shared the cone in silence until all that was left was the pointy tip, which she munched away while walking to the car.

The sun was high on the sky as she drove away, torn between paying attention on the road or staring at Spike, who was basking in the midday sunís light, looking...Spikely delicious.

The house was dead quiet when they arrived with Dawn in school and Willow...not there. Buffy locked the door to keep Spike from opening and wandering out in the street and climbed the stairs to her room, placing Spikeís new clothes on her closet.

She smoothed imaginary wrinkles from the new black shirt and turned around. To find him staring straight at her, a serious expression on the pretty face.

"Hey you."

"Mine."

The growl was strangled and possessive and ended with a harsh kiss placed upon her lips. Stumbling backwards, Buffy placed both hands on his shoulders to regain some balance and fell into the kiss, feeling his hands now moving upon her flesh, caressing and pressing, arousing and lightening the fire inside of her.

The liquid response to his touch left her yearning and panting on his arms, rubbing her thighs together to relieve the thumping between them.

"Buffy...g-good."

"Say it again..."

She demanded, stripping the coat off him and pushing him towards the bed. He had both hands on her breasts, squeezing them through the silky material of her shirt, pinching her nipples.

"Buffy..."

Her name was good, it was good he was talking with some coherence. His loud moans filled the empty house as they moved in sync, together, the climax was sweet, never-ending. It set them free.

* * *

 

Later that night, Giles and Xander arrived. Anya was strangely quiet, a frown marrying her pretty face.

"What happened?"

Buffy immediately asked after taking one look at their faces. Dawn was eating an apple at the kitchen table, passing through the pages of a teen magazine. Giles grabbed Buffy by the arm gently and pulled her to the living room, turning her around to face them.

"Buffy, what we found out, what Spike did..."

A loud growl echoed on the room. Giles turned around in surprise to see Spike staring at them, a sleepy expression on his boyish face but eyes sparkling in rage.

"Buffy...mine..."

The slayer smiled reassuringly at her watcher and friends and opened her arms, grinning at her lover, eyes shinning. Spike in two strides was in the circle of her arms, rubbing his face against her neck.

She looked at Giles over the ex-vampireís shoulder and nodded, urging him to continue.

"Itís okay, heís just jealous. Go ahead, Giles."

The watcher paused for a second to study her slayer and Spike. He had his nose buried on her neck, rubbing it back and forth sleepily, letting the tip of his tongue touch her skin from time to time.

Buffy took a couple of steps back and sat down on the couch. Spike curled beside her like a big, languid cat, placing his head down on her lap, his face pressed against her stomach. The slayer rested a hand on his hair and started smoothing the curls down, sinking her fingers into them, brushing them softly from his forehead.

"Buffy, I donít think..."

She raised green eyes swimming with comfort and peace and smiled gently at them before nodding, encouragingly.

"Itís okay, Giles. He fell asleep anyway..."

And the watcher noticed that indeed, Spike was asleep. His blue eyes were obscured by milky white lids, his nose brushing Buffyís belly every time she breathed. The slayer had one hand ruffling his hair and the other linked with one of his, the thumb swiping back and forth over his knuckles.

"Okay, then...Buffy, what we found out can be described as disturbing at the least. It seems Spike went all the way to Africa to find a demon. A very powerful demon who grants wishes for those who can pass his trials."

Anya handed her an old book and pointed to the picture of said demon, whose eyes looked evil even on paint.

"Iíve met this one. Very hard trials, I think Spike was one of the 5 who actually got their wishes fulfilled."

She pointed out before retreating to her former sulking self besides Xander which was unusual on itself. Buffy handed the book back to Giles and kept her eyes on him, waiting for the following events.

"It seems Spike passed every one of the trials but at the last moment, when the demon was to grant his original wish, the removal of his chip, he changed it and said..."

The watcher ruffled his pockets and smiled, embarrassed upon coming empty handed.

"Well, it was something like ĎLet me be the man Buffy deserves.í Or something of the kind. That was when the demon made him human."

Buffy looked down at the sleeping man on her arms and ran the tip of her fingers through his cheek, thinking about her stupidity and the fact that he had to almost kill himself for her to believe he was serious about loving her. And for her to give herself the right to love him back.

What did that say about her?

"Is he...Will he be okay? I mean...mentally okay?"

Giles removed his glasses and started wiping the lenses, cleaning his throat uncomfortably. He fidgeted a little and finally put the glasses back on, staring at her seriously.

"We...we have absolutely no idea about what a soul can do to a vampireís mind, specially at the beginning, let alone a vampire turned human. He may stay this way for a while and slowly regain his senses or he could get like..."

"Drusilla."

The whisper wasnít Buffy, but Anyaís, whose eyes were still trailed on Spike. The demon approached Buffy slowly and knelt down in front of them on the couch, raising her hand to touch the sleeping man. The slayer couldnít help the possessive growl that left her throat as another woman tried to touch her mate, but made no move to stop Anya when she placed one pale hand on Spikeís forehead.

"His soul is tormented, he was moved by vengeance, but his heart made a wish based on love. And thatís whatíll keep him true. If he can see thereís hope for him in the real world, heíll slowly leave the dreams behind."

Anya had a faraway look on her face, her eyes glazed.

"What a load of bullshit! It is just me or everyone here is suddenly welcoming that son of a bitch with open arms just because heís human?"

The vengeance demon offered Buffy a sad smile and got up, brushing a wild curl from Spikeís left eye.

"But Iím just one of the monsters, right? What do I know?"

She whispered sadly and turned around to look at Xander, sending him a reproachful glare. Buffyís eyes blazed fire and she was trying, very hard to remember Xander was a dear, long time friend.

"Xander...I, god, I donít even know what to say to you. Iím trying very hard to remember you are doing this because you care for me and not kick you out of my house right this moment. I loved Spike before he got human though Iím ashamed to admit that I could only admit it to myself and to others now. Donít start pointing fingers, Xander, when you have a lot of skeletons in your closet."

Giles actually felt sorry for the boy, whose expression was one of crushed disappointment. But although he had to admit sometimes Xander had a point and Spike had done a lot of reproachful things in his existence, so did all of them. Willow tried to end the world, he himself had had that terrible episode on Buffyís 18thbirthday...

And the vampire was human now. Sick and needed of their help. And Buffy loved him which was the most important. He watched Buffy raised their linked hand and kiss Spikeís knuckles again, a look of such love etched on her face it took Gilesí breath away.

"So what do we do now, Giles? How do I make him better?"

The watcher took his glasses off again and wiped the lens, wanting to say something positive to calm Buffy down but not being able to.

"I guess all we can do now is wait, Buffy. Nurse him back to health, maybe get him a therapist or something, I donít know... Iíll talk to Willow at the coven, see if she can come up with some documents for him. Now that he is human, heíll need some."

Buffy nodded. Giles put the glasses back on and sighed.

"Iím really sorry these arenít better news, Buffy..."

"Donít worry about it, Giles. Iím sure he will be okay."

Giles smiled sadly at her, the knowledge that it could never happen left unspoken.

"And even if he wonít, Iíll take care of him."

The lump on his throat didnít allowed an answer, so the watcher simply nodded and said they were leaving. Buffy nodded, still ruffling Spikeís curls lightly. She would take care of him. Giles and the rest left, taking Dawn with them to spend some time at a friendís house.

"Buffy..."

She startled and looked down. Right into Spike azure eyes and smiling face. He nuzzled her stomach and smiled again, purring loudly.

"Hey Spike...Had a good nap, baby?"

He smiled again and nodded.

"Hungry."

She shooed him from her lap and walked to the kitchen with him on her heels where she managed to make him some chicken soup with noodles, grilled cheese sandwich and a glass of milk. What her mother used to call Ďcomfort foodí. He attacked the soup, slurping it loudly, at the same time wolfing down half of his sandwich and some milk. She laughed at his antics and felt her heart swelling with love when he offered a messy grin in return to her giggles, looking boyish and young and carefree.

But it didnít matter. He was still Spike, with his blond curls, high cheekbones and pale completion, the blue, so blue eyes and pouty lips. It was still Spike, but missing something vital.

But looking at his boyish smile, so filled with love she couldnít help but feeling like she was not worth of all that, Buffy realized that it was all going to be okay.

Cause they had love. And like they all said. It could overcome it all. Couldnít it?

* * *

The End


End file.
